I read an article in The New York Times this past weekend, “She Can Play That Game, Too,” that talked about casual sex on college campuses. Most of you have done it and honestly, no judgement from me at all.
The women featured in this article talk about the convenience of casual sex and how they feel relationships are too time consuming. They generally don’t speak to these guys unless it’s late at night and they just want to hook up. Whatever, that’s cool. Do you. The rest of what I say doesn’t apply to you.
The people I have a problem with are the ones who think they can casually hook up with a guy that they consider one of their “good” friends. It’s this simple. If you are hooking up with a guy, you are not “best friends”. I do believe that a guy and a girl can be friends, but that’s only if you are not having sex. I understand wanting to feel comfortable and trusting the person you are hooking up with, but if they really are your best friend they should feel more like a brother, not someone you have sexual tension with.
Females are emotional creatures. It’s in our nature. I am so tired of hearing girls say, “But I don’t want to lose our friendship,” when talking about a guy they are hooking up with that is treating them like shit. First of all, if he was really your friend, he wouldn’t be treating you like shit. And if it is casual, him not texting you or not asking you to hang out, wouldn’t bother you.
Second, I don’t care if you poured your heart out to this guy and he knows everything about you. All he cares about is getting into your pants. If that means he has to listen to you complain about your life for a little, he’ll do that. Only if it means he is getting in your pants after.
There are two possible outcomes of this. The guy realizes he’s actually in love with you and it turns into a relationship. What will most likely happen is you’re going to keep hooking up with him and he is going to keep treating you like shit.
If you want to have casual sex, do it. But don’t turn around and question why the guys you are casually hooking up with don’t respect you. And if you are still questioning it, here is your answer: Because you are not respecting yourself.
If you are secretly in love with your best friend and are casually hooking up with them because you are too afraid to talk about your emotions, MAN UP. Yes, it’s scary. But if you truly are such good friends, you should be able to get past it. Your other option is to spend the rest of your life having feelings for a person who is going to have casual sex with you until they find someone else who is willing to express their feelings.
The worst thing that could happen is they stop talking to you. At least you can sit there knowing you put yourself out there. You lost a friend, but hopefully they aren’t your only one (In that case, ignore everything I have said and keep doing what you’re doing).
So here are your options if you are hooking up with someone you consider a “best friend”:
- Keep hooking up with him and keep feeling like a used napkin.
- Tell him how you feel and potentially wind up in a relationship.
- Tell him how you feel and your friends on Facebook drops a number.
- Tell him how you feel and even though he doesn’t feel the same way, you maintain your friendship.
ALSO, if they already know how you feel, haven’t reciprocated the feelings and you’re still hooking up with them, just stop now. Please.
For those of you who have mastered casual, emotionless sex, props to you. You’re stronger than I.
I didn’t write this to make you feel bad about yourself (at least not entirely), but I think sometimes we (yes, I said we) just need a reality check.