“Best Friends” With Benefits

I read an article in The New York Times this past weekend, “She Can Play That Game, Too,” that talked about casual sex on college campuses. Most of you have done it and honestly, no judgement from me at all.

The women featured in this article talk about the convenience of casual sex and how they feel relationships are too time consuming. They generally don’t speak to these guys unless it’s late at night and they just want to hook up. Whatever, that’s cool. Do you. The rest of what I say doesn’t apply to you.

The people I have a problem with are the ones who think they can casually hook up with a guy that they consider one of their “good” friends. It’s this simple. If you are hooking up with a guy, you are not “best friends”. I do believe that a guy and a girl can be friends, but that’s only if you are not having sex. I understand wanting to feel comfortable and trusting the person you are hooking up with, but if they really are your best friend they should feel more like a brother, not someone you have sexual tension with.

Females are emotional creatures. It’s in our nature. I am so tired of hearing girls say, “But I don’t want to lose our friendship,” when talking about a guy they are hooking up with that is treating them like shit. First of all, if he was really your friend, he wouldn’t be treating you like shit. And if it is casual, him not texting you or not asking you to hang out, wouldn’t bother you.

Second, I don’t care if you poured your heart out to this guy and he knows everything about you. All he cares about is getting into your pants. If that means he has to listen to you complain about your life for a little, he’ll do that. Only if it means he is getting in your pants after.

There are two possible outcomes of this. The guy realizes he’s actually in love with you and it turns into a relationship. What will most likely happen is you’re going to keep hooking up with him and he is going to keep treating you like shit.

If you want to have casual sex, do it. But don’t turn around and question why the guys you are casually hooking up with don’t respect you. And if you are still questioning it, here is your answer: Because you are not respecting yourself.¬†

If you are secretly in love with your best friend and are casually hooking up with them because you are too afraid to talk about your emotions, MAN UP. Yes, it’s scary. But if you truly are such good friends, you should be able to get past it. Your other option is to spend the rest of your life having feelings for a person who is going to have casual sex with you until they find someone else who is willing to express their feelings.

The worst thing that could happen is they stop talking to you. At least you can sit there knowing you put yourself out there. You lost a friend, but hopefully they aren’t your only one (In that case, ignore everything I have said and keep doing what you’re doing).

So here are your options if you are hooking up with someone you consider a “best friend”:

  1. Keep hooking up with him and keep feeling like a used napkin.
  2. Tell him how you feel and potentially wind up in a relationship.
  3. Tell him how you feel and your friends on Facebook drops a number.
  4. Tell him how you feel and even though he doesn’t feel the same way, you maintain your friendship.

ALSO, if they already know how you feel, haven’t reciprocated the feelings and you’re still hooking up with them, just stop now. Please.

For those of you who have mastered casual, emotionless sex, props to you. You’re stronger than I.

I didn’t write this to make you feel bad about yourself (at least not entirely), but I think sometimes we (yes, I said we) just need a reality check.

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How to Write a Cover Letter

As a junior in college I have written a couple cover letters and it is honestly one of the most daunting tasks for me. Your cover letter is your chance to show the company why they should pick you over the 50 other applications they received. After looking over other people’s cover letters, writing my own and compiling a bunch of tips I think I have finally come up with seven elements of writing a good cover letter.

1. Sell Yourself

Your cover letter is your opportunity to show the company the skills that you possess that will make their jobs easier. What can you add to the company? This is where you take what is on your resume and show how the experience you have obtained qualifies you for this position.

2. What can you gain?

After explaining why you have the experience necessary for the position, explain what you hope to gain from the opportunity. You have to show them how this position will help you grow and further you in your career. Make them feel like they have something to offer you.

3. Research!

You have to show that you know the company. Reference specific details that you find out about the company. This will make showing why you’re interested in the position a lot easier because you can use examples that are unique to the company.

4. Take your time

A cover letter shouldn’t take you 30mins or even an hour. They will be able to see how much time and effort you put into your letter. If it looks like you didn’t give it your best effort, they will associate that with your work ethic. If you don’t put time into your cover letter, how much time will your really put into your position with them?

5. Avoid Cliches

Writing a cover letter is dangerous because there are certain things we want to put in that no one actually wants to read. Don’t go overboard on how great you think the company is because then it doesn’t seem genuine.

6. Show, don’t tell

I hate this saying because it’s probably one of the hardest things to do. Instead of saying that you are a hard worker and organized, ¬†give specific examples of when you were hard worker and when you were organized. Saying is only half the battle.

7. Be concise

Generally there are many people applying for one position. Get to the point! Don’t spend two pages rambling about all the things you have done. The three things you need to include are why you want the position, what you can add to the company and why you think this company is a good fit for you and vice versa. That’s it.

These seven things will hopefully make writing your cover letter a little easier!